The irresistable allure of intimacy

Deep inside us is the code, the wiring and the deep desire for intimacy. It is unique to the human species, in its depth and scope. Our ability to feel intimacy, express and process intimacy is more intricate than any other species on the planet. It is the fingerprint of God as to how He has created us for deep, meaningful and fulfilling connection. There are a number of ways the design of human nature is unique, but none as amazing as this issue of intimacy. As you relate to those around you, there is a common thread you can find in any culture and any demographic - it is the irresistable allure of intimacy. No matter how we try to cloak it, hide it, deny it or forget about it we cannot escape the wiring we have to be known and to know. We are extremely social beings, but intimacy goes far beyond social. Most species on the planet are social to one degree or another, but none have the intense and compelling drive and capability for intimacy that human beings do. When it is repressed it finds a way to be expressed, it dominates us and drives us to seek it out. Much of our depravity and sin is the effort to fulfill this fundamental desire and need with things that cannot possibly provide it.

What is intimacy? There are many definitions, so let's take a look at the varying concepts of what intimacy is, how it is met and our design for intimacy. Merriam-Webster defines intimacy 'to make known, either formally or personally'. It comes from the Latin word 'intimatus' and the past participle of 'intimare' which means 'to put in, announce', and that word is from the Latin word 'intimus' which means 'innermost'. As we can see here, intimacy begins deep inside - it is the viewing, knowing and expression of what is inside. True intimacy is the interaction between two people where they are known, deeply and truly known by each other. It is the ability to be vulnerable, transparent and naked with another as it relates to our soul. It involves baring our soul - the thoughts, feelings, fears, dreams, joys and pain with another in a way that allows the other person to see and feel who we are without spinning the truth or false pretenses. It is being truthful, real and honest at the risk of the very real possibility we will not be accepted, understood or embraced. Some argue that one person can have intimacy and another not, and I will agree that seems entirely possible to a degree and probably happens more than we care to admit. I would imagine many of us have been guilty of this. Someone lets the walls down with us, and opens the doors to intimacy and we do not return the favor. Instead, we hide behind our walls and the protective layers of a manufactured image deliberately placed to keep us from intimacy. And yet, all the while, we remain some degree of jealousy that they were able to do the very thing we needed to do, but were unable to tame the lions of fear and rejection that keep us from intimacy. But for intimacy to have its true fulfillment in our souls, I believe there must be an exchange between two individuals, and the more equal and reciprical that exchange is, the deeper the level of intimacy.

Intimacy is most often found in committed relationships such as marriage and family. But it can be found in close friends. We read of David and Jonathons relationship and the way the Hebrew records it is that they had such an intimacy of soul, which was unusual for men to have. It is usually found in heterosexual relationships. Friends, parents, siblings, and with our mate are the places where intimacy occurs most often. And that is for a good reason. Such transparency and vulnerability can be dangerous when the relationship is not a long-term and committed place of safety and acceptance. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced that not even being a safe place for intimacy to occur. And this is the product of a broken and fallen world. Although I will agree that one person can experience a degree of intimacy while the other does not, I think this sort of interaction most likely produces feelings of betrayal and mistrust which will eventually terminate the relationship if not addressed in a timely manner. Intimacy is an exchange, an interaction.

I liken it to two magnets. For intimacy to occur they need to share with each other and be connected. That is what happens with the north and south poles of the magnet attract each other and bond. Otherwise, if both norths try to connect they will naturally repel each other away. Relationships without genuine intimacy will naturally repel the parties apart, whereas relationships with genuine intimacy will bond and form a growing and tight connection. The analogy can only go so far as it is one-dimensional, meaning it is purely physical or natural. And this is exactly the way most people approach and define intimacy - as purely physical or natural. Physical affection or sexual intercourse define and display intimacy in our society. Read the magazines, the books, watch the talk shows and the movies and you will see the most consistent theme that intimacy is sexual or physical. And it is largely this reason that so many of us are still dying and thirsting inside for true and genuine intimacy.

Genuine intimacy is something that happens deep inside at a soul level. Sure, it will involve our physical frame to one degree or another. We will use our mouth the express those things deep inside of us, we will express them with our eye contact and can even further the communication with physical affection or touch. But unless there is a deep interaction going on at a soul level of being known and knowing another, intimacy evades us. We must move beyond the cultural stereotypes of what intimacy is and see it as the exposure of the truth of ourselves in a relationship with someone else. The more we risk ourselves and invest ourselves the better the chance for intimacy. Dangerous stuff!! No wonder we have invented a hundred ways to avoid intimacy all together. It is risky, costly and the outcome cannot be predicted. Yes, I said that! All of the investment and risk, as with any other risk, for intimacy may not produce the result we wanted. The variable is the person with whom we have chosen to make that risky investment. And I don't care how much energy you put into making sure that person is the right one, is safe and is trustworthy the truth is you may still be out your investment and still yearning for intimacy. Its not what you wanted to hear, I know. And yet, it won't stop you, will it? You will keep searching for it, even though it is the most costly investment you can make. That is because you were created for connection, and you can't control the desire inside for that to be fulfilled.

So what do we do? I look at and have studied investment strategists, the guys who are responsbile for managing millions or billions of dollars of investment money. Since we are talking about investment, and risk and return, it just makes sense to see if we can glean any wisdom from this. There are a few key strategies that I think can lend us some good insight. The first is risk mitigation. Risk mitigation means that we can't remove risk entirely, so we try to reduce the amount of risk as much as we can. In relationships, risk mitigation means we look into the person we are considering this investment with and test them for trustworthiness, faithfulness, communication and conflict resolution skills. If you are going to make an investment with this person, don't you want to have some level of confidence they are not going to run off to the National Enquirer with your innermost secrets of your heart? Sure you do. And remember, this guideline is risk mitigation not risk removal. Far too many people spend their entire lives looking for risk removal and never achieve intimacy of any kind. If you are not going to take risk you are not going to have intimacy. But you can mitigate the amount of risk you take. How much should you mitigate is your preference. That will be directly affected by your past experiences, responses and overall inner confidence level. Anotherwords, this is according to your emotional maturity. Of all the factors of important for intimacy, emtional maturity is the most important factor, especially in this day and age. Emotional maturity is your inner confidence level, and ability to handle risk.

Think of an investor who has $100 million. He decides he wants to invest $10 million of that. What kind of risk can he afford to take? A lot! He can loose it all and still have $90 million left. But say the investor instead has only $50,000. He wants to invest $10,000 of that money. What kind of risk can he afford to take? Probably a lot less, he will feel it much more than the other guy. If he lost all $10,000 of that money he will probably be talking about it for the rest of his life and regretting it. I think many of us more relate to the 2nd guy. We are trying to invest in intimacy but scared of the risk. If we fail, we will be licking our wounds for the rest of our life. In reality, the difference between these two is confidence and the ability to offset their loss. If we are healthy, we can offset the loss of potential intimacy and lost investment and continue on in confidence. But if we are wounded, bitter and fearful we will not be able to offset the loss of investment and potential intimacy. We will withdraw in fear and try to never invest again. Unfortunately, we will look for 'safer' ways to meet our need for intimacy which is just an illusion and will cost us even more.

The second strategy investment strategists use is diversification. Now this fancy word just means that instead of putting all their investment into one place, where it could all be lost, they invest in a wide range of things to safeguard against total lost and mitigate the amount of loss. The best investment strategists are experts at knowing various investments and how they offset each other. I will concede that diversification is also a method of risk mitigation but I feel it is far more. It affords them a better chance of return, especially over a long period of time. Relationally we should not be looking to one person to meet all of our intimacy needs. We need to diversity that with friends, family and those in our spiritual communities, for instance. The less we are looking to one person to meet our intimacy needs, the less chance we have for total loss. But it is also increases the chance we will find some degree of return of intimacy. This has held true many times in my life. I have a few close friends to whom I can talk about anything. One has been a friend for 23 years, the other for 7 and over my life people come and go as friends with whom I can have intimacy. My marital intimacy needs fell apart but my friend was there for me and helped me walk through it, as did others in my family and spiritual community. In short, they helped me because thankfully, I diversified my intimacy needs and didn't try to have only my spouse meet those needs. If I had, I would have been bankrupt and I don't know how I would have recovered.

But for a moment, let me focus on our spiritual intimacy needs. All of the above will be of little value if we have not applied these principles in our relationship with God first. No matter how much intimacy we find with those around us, our souls will still be thirsty unless He is meeting them first and foremost. Unlike those around us, we don't need to employ risk mitigation principles with Him!! He is the safest investment we can make with the most secure rate of return that could be conceived in the mind of man. He will never fail us, He will never leave us, He is faithful! But what does intimacy with God look like? To be honest, it doesn't look much different. It is being known by Him and knowing Him. And that still happens in the same frame we know - through truthful, honest, vulnerable and transparent communication with Him. It means that we spend time with Him! It means that we invest our energy, our thoughts, our communication and our emotions with Him. This is the highest and most fulfilling level of intimacy that we can have as human beings. There is no higher purpose we could find, nothing that will satisfy us like this.

If we take a moment and examine Jesus interactions with those around Him we find something quite perplexing. He made His investment for intimacy with non-religious men and women, some of whom were even what we would consider as too 'risky'. And all the while, He was verbally at war and enmity with the religious communities of His day. The ones who seemed to know God the most, and have the strongest understanding of who He is were the ones rejected by Him. They (as a spiritual community) did not experience any intimacy with Him. And He tells us why - they pretended to intimacy.

Now in our personal relationships we have a precendent for that. We have those pretending to intimacy with us, but they don't really know us. Is there anything more frustrating than that? I had a friend once who talked all over our spiritual community about me and what a great guy I was, how we used to be roomates and hang out. But the truth is, I never really knew him. We never spent any quality time together, the little bit we did was him talking about himself. He had no idea who I was, and it drove me nuts! This is the context of Jesus in Matt 7:21 saying that many would come to Him one day implying that they did know Him. But Jesus will have to break the awful reality with them that they don't have a clue who He is. And this was the case with the religious communities of His day. Of them it was true 'these people worship me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.' What bothered me about this friend, probably more accurately this acquaintence, he pretended to know me but there was never any intimate interaction between us. As much as he talked about himself, I never really felt I knew him and that is because he never really knew himself!

For us to know God means investment, and from our perspective this is risky. We are investing time and energy on a Being we cannot see, touch or hear directly. Sometimes, He does interact on a supernatural level with us, but most people don't get that first. This investment requires faith on our part - faith that God is who He says He is, and that He will do what He says He will do. Like any form of intimacy, it means investment and time. Because the Bible uses the romantic language of intimacy to show our relationship with God to us, let's consider the deepest intimacy framework. For us to know our spouse, it requires us to be transparent, vulnerable and exposed from the inside out with them. When Adam and Eve are referred to in the Garden as being naked and having no shame, this is what the Hebrew is conveying. Think about that! It wasn't just them seeing each others bodies without clothes, this is about true and genuine intimacy going on between the two of them and God with them.

To be direct, all the barriers to intimacy are the direct result of the Fall! The deception, false images and reputation management, fear, shame and guilt are all what happened when they ate of the forbidden tree in the Garden. These all came when they broke intimacy with God. Their broken relationships and intimacy were the direct result of broken relationship and intimacy with God. When God came to walk in the Garden and found them hiding, what betrayal He had to feel. What pain there must have been in His heart! So now, lets take a moment to dive into the cause of broken intimacy with God. We have always been taught that the relationship was broken because commands were not followed. And yes, that is true to some degree. But I have to suggest that it is much, much deeper than that. Intimacy is based on trust. Intimacy cannot exist as a living and growing dymanic if trust is not in the equation. It would be like trying to make water without hydrogen. Why is trust so crucial? Because trust is the mechanism by which we create and maintain the atmosphere and environment for intimacy. I think of it as the park where the the elements of intimacy can be free to run and interact with each other. Without trust there cannot be vulnerability, acceptance, or an exchange of the truth. Truth requires trust. In a recent study by the John Gottman Foundation, the number one thing important in finding a mate is trust. So what is trust and why is it important to God?

I believe the tree was placed in the Garden to be a perpetual test of Adam and Eve, and that it came with corresponding rewards. That might seem a bit harsh, but don't we do a similar thing? We test our partners all the time to make sure we can trust them. Once we feel safe and our comfort level is there we can back off on this. Remember God had already been betrayed by Lucifer - creating a new species and wrapping him in the protective blanket of the Milky Way was a risky venture, no matter how you look at it. But as we have already discussed, this risk was already known by God and everything was perfectly deisgned and planned to bring God the fellowship He longed for. Knowing that God could trust Adam in the Garden meant He could trust Him in relationship. Trust is a funny thing. In one sense I equate it to a bank account. Some of us give someone an empty bank account and let them fill it up, others put some trust on deposit in the account and let them add or withdraw it. We do this because of our past experiences and our emotional health. Again, trust is risk. We are back to that 4 letter 'R' word. For Adam to be a friend of God meant that God could trust him there to watch over His interests and be faithful. Of course, trust was broken. However, the story is often misunderstood.

As we look at the retelling of the story of Adam and Eve we notice that Eve was not there when God gave Adam the command to not eat of the tree. This is the context of the Hebrew, and remember Adam ruled the earth for some time before Eve was created. He had quite a job of naming and knowing the entire animal kindgom prior to her arrival. So that leaves us with an important point - she was not there to hear God say 'do not eat of this tree'. So how did she know? I think its clear she got that from Adam - as the leader he would have told her 'God said, do not eat of this tree.' So, now think about it. You are Lucifer and you want to bring down the new creation God has made - are you going to go to Adam who heard God say it or are you going to go to Eve who heard it from Adam? Its not hard, we would choose Eve. Why? Because she is the one who has to trust more. Anotherwords, she is the one who is most at risk here. If she didn't hear God directly, and I argue that she didn't, then she has to trust Adam to be telling the truth. Remember that, because its going to be important in a minute.

So Satan comes in and asks Eve 'did God say....'. She answers right, but must have questioned it. I am sure she wondered what the big deal was. And so right here, Satan plants the seed of doubt and suspision. Why would God be withholding something that looks so good for her? Adam must not get it - there is something important in this tree that God is hiding from you, its a plot to keep something from you. And she gives in. Then it says, she gives some to Adam who was with her. The context in the Hebrew means that he was with her 'in the garden'. Anotherwords, he wasn't in Europe tending to some mountain goats. He was in close proximety. And seeing that she had some and was not dead, but seemingly better, he thought lets try this out. Now what happened here is simple. The way sin entered the world was through a lack of trust in God's inherent goodness and intentions. OUCH! That one had to hurt. He just loaded up this beautiful planet with all kinds of goodies, beauty and freedom for them and they can't trust Him? What? And so started several thousand years of men and women struggling with trusting in Him. All sin at the core is the inability to trust Him. Its really that simple.

When we trust, it means we KNOW Him. If we know Him, we can rely on Him. Trust is the ability to rely on someone and know they have your best interests at heart. It is the ability to believe they will not act in selfish ways that will hurt, violate or shame you. Trust is reliance on the character and nature of someone, especially of God. Or from another angle, trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected. From a human perspective, there are times when we have done nothing wrong and are charged with breaking trust. Human trust is faulty because it is based on perceptions that can inaccurate indicators. And for that reason, we are to be careful not to judge a situation too quickly. There is a well known passage in Luke 6:37-38 that has all to often been improperly applied to finances. I have never actually heard a sermon, in over 30 years, where this passage was used in its correct context. We read “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” As you can see, this passage is actually about mercy not about money. The next time you hear a preacher use this passage when they pass the offering plate, remember it is much more costly to give mercy than it is money. Mercy is the most costly commodity we can give. And why? Because mercy denies my rights and honors the offending party. It is illogical, self depreciating, and actually seems unjust because it sets free and empowers the one who has wronged us.

I mention this here because if we are going to know anything of intimacy, we must first know something of mercy. The initiator of mercy is God. We (human beings) are the ones who have offended and broken His trust. And yet, He shows us mercy. If we will take a moment to reflect on the nature of Divine mercy we will see that even that seems illogical and unjust. Consider Adam and Eve in the Garden on that fateful day where trust was broken. God walks into the Garden for His 4pm walk (just enjoy the speculation on the time for a moment) and there are Adam and Eve hiding behind some leaves, faces down and radiant with shame and guilt. They knew they had just broken trust and like anyone who knows they have done that, they completely understand it and realize they can't fix it right then, the actions can't be undone. For a moment, forget all the sermons and teachings you have heard on this story and just read the story as it is in the Bible without the speculative elements so often introduced. God calls out to Adam "Where are you?", and the man answers "I heard you coming, so I hid because I was naked (covered in shame and exposed now)." The Lord responds, "Where did you get the feeling of shame and guilt? Where did the concept of being embarrased to be naked come from? Adam.....did you eat of the tree I told you not to eat?" Because at this point, the Lord knew trust had been broken and despite the ridiculous allegations you have probably heard in this story, there is no blameshifting going on here - no, no! Not in the presence of a Holy God! I refute any and every theory that says blameshifting went on in front of a Holy and Righteous God and that He didn't deal with it, let alone an accomplice in it. If there was blameshifting going on God would have addressed it. How little we think of the consequences of our theories! God is Just and Righteous. So Adam replies in honest answer 'The woman you put here with me, she gave me some fruit from the tree and I ate it.' Now before we go further, notice she was 'that woman you put here with me' because she isn't given the name Eve until AFTER the fall! How else was he to describe her? When you examine the Hebrew text, this is an honest confession. Adam tells it just like it is. She did give him the fruit, and he did eat of it. With that honest confession, God turns to Eve and says 'what is this you have done?' And she replies with an honest confession, 'the serpent deceived me and I ate.' See the trail of honest confession here? That is exactly what happened. With that honest confession God turns to the serpent and says 'because you have done this...' Stop for a minute before we get into the consequences.

There is an important shift here where the trail of confession led to Satan as the core culprit. Satan never confesses! But God charges him as being the instigator and starts with him for the consequences! This is crucial because Adam and Eve confessed but Satan never did. The importance is crucial - Satan is a non-repentant rebel against God! He was caught here as the architect of the fall of mankind! But he showed no remorse, and seems to be indifferent to the charges. For him, it was mission accomplished! As we discussed in the previous chapter, God allowed all of this for a perfect plan and in the consequences we see the mercy of God portrayed.

He starts with Satan, "So the Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this,

“Cursed are you above all livestock
and all wild animals!
You will crawl on your belly
and you will eat dust
all the days of your life.
15 And I will put enmity
between you and the woman,
and between your offspring[a] and hers;
he will crush[b] your head,
and you will strike his heel.”

The Lord speaks three crucial elements here that give us insight into this relationship between God and Satan. First of all, the animal creature that was used by you in this strategy will be put on the bottom of the animal kingdom. It does appear the animal was intelligent and crafty and was now reduced to a low level of abasement. Secondly, the entire human population hereafter (which would all come from her) would not be at odds with Satan (I don't personally believe this applied to the animal) and caught in a very intense spiritual war. Not too far in the distant future we know it wasn't long before she lost one of her sons in a brutal murder by another son. The war would be for the hearts and minds of men and women from this point forward. And lastly, God says 'But I have a plan for redemption'. Satan had seemingly enslaved mankind now into his service and broken trust between them and God. But God says 'I will not let this be the end of it. I will implement a plan of redemption and get mankind back!' WOW!

Now the reason we went through all of this is to get the gravity of what mercy is. This is the first case of mercy we see in the nature and character of God. I am not saying it is His first act of mercy - that is a ridiculous thought to me. God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He IS mercy and always has been mercy. But this is the first time its recorded for us. Satan doesn't appear to have had any mercy. We don't know why. But here God says He will show mercy to mankind with a prophecy that He would send His own Son into human nature to walk blameless and regain the lost fellowship and connection with God. He would then lay down His life to barbaric torture, suffering and death to pay your penalty and mine! God did it for restored fellowship and connection - He did it for the most intimate of love.

The relevance is that this very mercy was meant for intimacy. Mercy is another element to the platform for intimacy. As fallen and imperfect beings we cannot rely soley on trust. And because of this, mercy is necessary to offset broken trust! Mercy is the healing balm for broken trust! But where does mercy come from? It is not natural to us, but it is to God. Mercy comes from the furnace of love. Mercy IS love! Want to know how much someone loves? See how much they operate in mercy. How often we defend our rights, the supposed cause of 'justice' and feel it is our obligation to teach people a lesson when all the while the real lesson that is needed is love and mercy! First for us, secondly for them! Where broken trust breaks relationships, mercy restores! This is the nature and character of God.

We are told repeatedly to follow this nature and character of God. See how He showed mercy to you, and follow His example. Ephesians 4:32 says 'Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Again in Colosians 3:13 "

The following is a simple exposition of this passage to emphasize how deeply important this issue to God that we follow, "If any man have a quarrel against any, "or complaint." The word used here - μομφή momphē - occurs nowhere else in the New Testament. It means, "fault found, blame, censure;" and here denotes occasion of a complaint. The idea is, that if someone has given us the just occasion of complaint, we are to forgive them; that is, we are:

(1) to harbor no malice against them;

(2) we are to be ready to do them good as if they had not given us occasion of complaint;

(3) we are to be willing to declare that we forgive then when they ask for it; and,

(4) we are always afterward to treat them as kindly as if they had not injured us - as God treats us when he forgives us; see the notes at Matthew 18:21

Jesus gave another story of the man who had been forgiven a debt in Matthew 18:21-35. This man was forgiven and immense sum. Its lost on the translation of 10,000 talents. So how much is that? Well, here is the best explanation in Wikipedia which, seems to be consistent from other sources. "The talent in this parable was worth about 6,000 denarii, so that one debt is 600,000 times as large as the other.[1] More significantly, 10,000 (a myriad) was the highest Greek numeral, and a talent the largest unit of currency,[1] so that 10,000 talents was the largest easily described debt (for comparison, the combined annual tribute of Judea, Samaria, and Idumea around this time was only 600 talents,[2] and one denarius was a day's wages,[2] so that 10,000 talents would be about 200,000 years' wages[3]). The setting is the court of some king in another country, where the "servants" could rank as highly as provincial governors.[2]

The idea here speaks of broken trust, and actions that have broken intimacy and fellowship. Remember that this was before the age of lotteries and billionaires. The story was given to ordinary people who were largely stuck in social stratas and not able to effect much change on their financial situations. So the emphasis is that the debt of broken trust and broken intimacy with God is SO great that no man could ever, with his lifetime, ever pay it back. The mere thought is ridiculous! That is the heart and concept of the parable. And so, what does this man in the parable do? He finds someone who owes him the equivalent of 100 pence somewhere between $1.63-$18, or in some translators opinions a better intrepretation is 100 days wages. Either way the amount was so far removed from being compared that it was meant to convey a ridiculous amount in comparison to what had been forgiven. And the man went out and choked the servent by the neck (quite literally let out his anger on him to teach him a lesson) and then had the man thrown in prison until he could pay.

Remember, this passage is not directly about money but yet it may be. The core issue is broken trust, broken intimacy and actions that have wronged, wounded or violated another. As believers we are to hold it dear to our hearts that what we have done in breaking trust and intimacy with God is of the greatest cost. The emphasis we should have going with us at all times is to know this and be thankful, very thankful, for God's mercy to us. What are we doing with any connection to this Amazing and Supremely Superior and Magnificent Being anyways? Why aren't we just cast off as Lucifer was? I fear our generation has little grasp of this. This is the fear of God. Its recognizing just how great He is and how incapable we are of any attempts to fix this broken relationship with Him. What is He doing sending His only Son into the world to die for us? What could have possibly compelled Him to do this? The answer is love - pure and simple. It is intimate, passionate and jealous love for living and genuine connection with us! It is the most romantic story in the Universe. No wonder the angels marvel! Why aren't we marvelling?

And that is the emphasis Jesus lays down in this parable - why wasn't this man marvelling? You and I are that man! We are the ones who have been forgiven of so much. Why do we harbor resentment, anger, bitterness and fight for our rights, revenge and set out to teach people 'lessons'. I will tell you plainly that the answer is right here - we aren't marvelling at the beauty of mercy! We are all guilty of this, and it is an intimacy killer! It kills intimacy in marriages, friendships, families, and the church community. We need to get this. We need it to penetrate the deepest places of our hearts. How much evil has been done in the body of Christ with the wrongful emphasis on restitution, improper definitions of justice and a widespread abuse of church discipline. It shows the awful place of our hearts. We are not marvelling at mercy. We are just like this man. And Jesus shows us the danger in the most frightening of terms. The danger is that we will be cast off by Him. Remember, our life as a Christian is not measured in acts of ministry, reputation and the perfection of our actions. The entire definition of our Christianity is that we are followers of Christ, who have been shown unmerited mercy and grace and restored to intimacy and connection with Christ. We are in Christ and He is in us. We are to be those who dwell in intimate connection with Him. We trust in Him and we CAN trust in Him because of who He IS! We can trust because of His mercy!

I think of the story where Jesus tells us in Luke 7:36-50 where a woman comes into the house where he was eating with his disciples and pours an expensive bottle of perfume on his feet. The best estimates I could find are that this was worth roughly a years wages. So let's say it was a $40,000 bottle of perfume. Wow! Costly! But then she proceeds to wash his feet with her hair and her tears! Now just think of trying this at home with your spouse and how many tears it would take to wash their feet with your tears! This woman was weeping from deep within. What would cause her to do that? I believe she was marvelling at His mercy. She is doing what each of us should be doing if we want to experience deep intimacy with Him. And then Jesus tells another parable to convey a heart principle of God.

"Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

So what is He saying? That we need to go sin a bunch and then come back and then we can love more? Paul says of this thought process which is taking God's grace a license for sin 'God forbid!'. No that is not it. Does it mean that the most sinful people will be able to love God most? Its not about a tally of who did the most sinful acts. This passage is about the realization in our hearts of mercy. It's about marvelling at mercy! Jesus rebukes those around Him for not marvelling at mercy. Most of us are rebuked right along with them. But Jesus gives them and us hope. If you can do what we want anyone to do who has broken intimacy and trust with us, just allow yourself to take on the pain you have caused, the damage you have done. Let go of the pride, and the reputation management. Take on the pain you have inflicted in His heart and weep like this woman did. Marvel at the mercy He has shown you!!! Do you realize the high price God paid to buy off your debt so He could be intimately connected with you? Do you value that?

The importance of this is crucial. Remember in the previous chapter how we talked about God's marvelous plan to prepare mankind for fellowship with Him? I believe eternity is a place filled with the most fulfilling, tenderly intimate existence of complete and unhindered connection with Him. And the one thing that determines what level of that you will experience is the life you live now. Are you walking in fellowship with Him now? Do you trust Him? Are you marvelling at mercy? Is your heart humble and broken at the reality of this Magnificent God desiring fellowship with you? And finally - what are your connections with others like? Are they harsh, judgemental, critical, and shallow? Or are they full of mercy, compassion, love and laboring to build true and lasting intimacy?

There is a passage where the religious leaders gave one last test to Jesus, to try to trip Him up doctrinally. They asked Him what the greatest commandment was. We know His reply - to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Spend yourself on this Lover of your soul and give Him all h

But our struggle is that we are getting to know Him. We are like the newly married couple that discovers there is still a LOT we don't yet know and when hardships come we start to tweak out and wonder if all this faith stuff is real. And here we have the foundational element in any intimacy - trust. Trust is the substance that says this person is credible, dependable and I will not seek to protect myself and my fears at the expense of denying them the right to be who they say they are. Trust requires a level of dependance. Dependance is risky! Are we going to operate in self-protect mode and defend our independence so we can be 'safe' or are we going to dive into intimacy and extend trust to someone?

All trust builds over time - as it is tested, tried and proven, it becomes increasingly sure and stable. The more it is broken, the less likely it will be restored to the broken relationship. Trust is the essence of intimacy. It is what allows us to be known and to know another. It is the playground where vulnerability, transparency and honest communication interact freely with each other. This is what makes intimacy so hard, and such a rare commodity. Trust itself is a hard thing to come by, especially in our broken world. And in a society such as ours, where protection and exaltation of self are the norm it is no wonder we are experiencing an epedimic of loneliness and lack of intimacy. Self protection and exaltation are poison in the wells of intimacy. They taint the waters of trust and break down the connection.

When you have broken trust with someone, it can often only be earned back through costly actions that rebuild it. If you have broken another's trust, you have no right to expect anything from them, especially trust. You have overdrawn the bank account and are now in debt to them. You can only prove by your actions and fulfilled promises that you are now trustworthy. You cannot hold it against the other person if they search your life for flaws and wrongs -- you earned their distrust. Hard work, patience, perseverence, and consistent proof is the only way to regain the trust you don't deserve. This may seem harsh but for any of us who have experienced the pain of betrayal you know what I mean. Once trust is broken, it takes time to rebuild. And so it is with God. All of us have broken trust with God.